As a child Ramona was learning the art of being verbally abused and learned how to work through it and not pay it any mind. It became apart of her daily life; so she grew immune to the hurtful and degrading things that her loved ones once said to her. No one really pushed her into a direction that would help her in her adult life; failing college encouraged to give up and find a job at the nearest fast food. Once found a job, only to get fired due to not having transportation to work. Oh don't worry one parent would say, I'll take you to work. then change their mind and if they were your only source oh well. So after loosing 4 jobs that way discouragement set in. The of parents helping their child to succeed instead of failing and then talking about them badly to other family members and never noticing the child doesn't even have friends.
Ramona goes on and gets married to who she thought was her best friend, only to find out in a heated she was the wrong color and age. She had graduated from verbal abuse to adding sexual and physical abuse. Wow someone asked how she was emotionally let's just say very numb and unresponsive at times. Well she divorced him and a few years later marries someone whom would keep up the verbal/emotional abuse by degrading, yelling, not listening to her, never there for her when she is down; but yet kicks her farther down. Now in this marriage they have children together and he tells her she smiles because she is happy. When in fact it is better to smile then it is to frown. He has done told her he is making it hard for her to talk to him, so she stays away from important things. She went to the hospital to find out what was wrong with her he chewed her out for going, and he has stopped loving her the way she loves herself. Ramona thought it couldn't get any worse when the 4 year old asked "what my daddy don't like you? (hugs her and says) I love you." Not too long after that he decides to tell her he wants to be able to yell and scream at the top of his lungs when he needs to at her, he told her that she was like an untamed lion (okay she felt as though that was what he was describing her character as). He helped Ramona open her business and when she turned to him for help again he wasn't there. Now owing over a thousand dollars in taxes she can not help her family earn money and she feels any man can talk to her any way he desires; and yet it is fine with him. Ramona in a few years has put on a few pounds and he is reminded of the skinny and slim Ramona. He forgets she's a woman outside of the bedroom so he treats her like one of guys. Never any real display of affection, but a friend/child relationship when out in public. At home the relationship is he disappears into the TV or talking on the phone, while she at times feels neglected. He watches his shows and they do what he likes and may be once in a while they do things she likes. What was that compromise? There is no need for that it is all about him blaming it is all about her. Let me tell you what he doesn't know about her: 1. why she don't chew gum, 2. her favorite flower, 3. secrets she has never told anyone, 4.her fears, 5. favorite spice, and 6. her goals in life. Oh what does she she know about him; his favorite color and TV is all he knows.
Ramona has been married to this man for 25 years and she has said "it is a very stressful life she has, and just needs a get away from it all from time to time. Feeling like your world could one day come crashing down on you and then what? Cry until someone notices ?" With no money to pay for wants and he feels budget is for when you have money you budget. Never saving money because the extra gets spent on something he wants. He has riled out the joy in me and I feel as though I need an out...no more do I sing, no more do clean, I sit as a zombie waiting on a shelve to be discovered. I have not accomplished anything of my own I have accomplished failure after failure for that is all I know.
By Michele Richardson
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