Random Thoughts Racing Through My Head Part 2

With money being an issue and she ashamedly thought about how her business would have helped financially; yet without the stress and strain of not having a cushioned savings a plan for traveling vacations and more. Now with that being said how can someone sabotage their own family financial status without a care in the world, and or wanting to be a MAN. Ramona feels like a prisoner with certain privileges as long as she remembers to ask for permission to do what she wants. She feels that the marriage is one sided in favor of her husband and feels that many men would side with him and not her. He has even told her that what she felt about him is what he feels about her. When she felt it was time to tell him how she feels in the relationship. She has even felt afraid when he got a part of her past wrong he went into a rage of yelling, screaming out his point of her past. 
One day Ramona went through her old unfinished journals and read the countless STD's she had while with child and a couple were after the birth of a child. Ramona now questions the 25 years if in fact he ever really loved her or was she just an arm ornament so he would not have to be alone. While reading these journals she feels like she never really knew him the way she felt she should have. He didn't want her fixing her hair using lotion nor having the need to be a woman, so that it would be easier for him to flee into the arms of another woman. Why does he feel the need to be bitter towards me and chooses to be pleasant to others. I've noticed this how he treats one he treats the others, and when in the company of authority figures he is like a puppy to it's master, but once out of the presence he talks about them. Why does she stay is it because of the children or does she have a plan on the when she will leave? Ramona is the kind of person who is much the friendly unsure of how to conduct an interesting conversation, but has a need to keep talking like it is her last. 
In this relationship Ramona has become very lazy and depressive and not knowing when the tears will go away along with the feeling of loneliness. She cries almost every night and sometimes during the day and when her children come home she pretends to be happy and ready eager to hear how their day went. When they hurt she hurts even more. She is goes through enough for her and her children and then it is all left on her shoulders. Nothing that she grew up doing is allowed and nor her philosophy or motto is allowed. Does he even know her motto? "Help me while I am down and I am loyally yours. Kick me while I am down I may cry for a while but when I am able to stand on my own, I will leave you." Her philosophy is this to be loyal to the one who is loyal and helpful to you, and never be the one who bites the hand or hands of non-enemies. Lives by what is stated in Matthew 22:37-40 it Jesus telling the  Pharisees and the Sadducee about the greater commandment in which we should live. 

Welcome all to the world of Ramona by that I mean do not be so quick to judge any one without first understanding where one comes from, what they are going through, and where they would like to be going. For all that it takes getting to know that person intimately. Do not be one of those that just think that to be intimate is a requirement of the dance between the sheets. It is more than that and plan things together as friends.  

Colossians 3:18-19 King James Version (KJV)

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Matthew 22:37-40 King James Version (KJV)

³⁷ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
³⁸ This is the first and great commandment.
³⁹ And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.