Random Thoughts Racing Through My Head Part 2

With money being an issue and she ashamedly thought about how her business would have helped financially; yet without the stress and strain of not having a cushioned savings a plan for traveling vacations and more. Now with that being said how can someone sabotage their own family financial status without a care in the world, and or wanting to be a MAN. Ramona feels like a prisoner with certain privileges as long as she remembers to ask for permission to do what she wants. She feels that the marriage is one sided in favor of her husband and feels that many men would side with him and not her. He has even told her that what she felt about him is what he feels about her. When she felt it was time to tell him how she feels in the relationship. She has even felt afraid when he got a part of her past wrong he went into a rage of yelling, screaming out his point of her past. 
One day Ramona went through her old unfinished journals and read the countless STD's she had while with child and a couple were after the birth of a child. Ramona now questions the 25 years if in fact he ever really loved her or was she just an arm ornament so he would not have to be alone. While reading these journals she feels like she never really knew him the way she felt she should have. He didn't want her fixing her hair using lotion nor having the need to be a woman, so that it would be easier for him to flee into the arms of another woman. Why does he feel the need to be bitter towards me and chooses to be pleasant to others. I've noticed this how he treats one he treats the others, and when in the company of authority figures he is like a puppy to it's master, but once out of the presence he talks about them. Why does she stay is it because of the children or does she have a plan on the when she will leave? Ramona is the kind of person who is much the friendly unsure of how to conduct an interesting conversation, but has a need to keep talking like it is her last. 
In this relationship Ramona has become very lazy and depressive and not knowing when the tears will go away along with the feeling of loneliness. She cries almost every night and sometimes during the day and when her children come home she pretends to be happy and ready eager to hear how their day went. When they hurt she hurts even more. She is goes through enough for her and her children and then it is all left on her shoulders. Nothing that she grew up doing is allowed and nor her philosophy or motto is allowed. Does he even know her motto? "Help me while I am down and I am loyally yours. Kick me while I am down I may cry for a while but when I am able to stand on my own, I will leave you." Her philosophy is this to be loyal to the one who is loyal and helpful to you, and never be the one who bites the hand or hands of non-enemies. Lives by what is stated in Matthew 22:37-40 it Jesus telling the  Pharisees and the Sadducee about the greater commandment in which we should live. 

Welcome all to the world of Ramona by that I mean do not be so quick to judge any one without first understanding where one comes from, what they are going through, and where they would like to be going. For all that it takes getting to know that person intimately. Do not be one of those that just think that to be intimate is a requirement of the dance between the sheets. It is more than that and plan things together as friends.  

Colossians 3:18-19 King James Version (KJV)

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Matthew 22:37-40 King James Version (KJV)

³⁷ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
³⁸ This is the first and great commandment.
³⁹ And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Random Thoughts Racing Through My Head

As a child Ramona was learning the art of being verbally abused and learned how to work through it and not pay it any mind. It became apart of her daily life; so she grew immune to the hurtful and degrading things that her loved ones once said to her. No one really pushed her into a direction that would help her in her adult life; failing college encouraged to give up and find a job at the nearest fast food. Once found a job, only to get fired due to not having transportation to work. Oh don't worry one parent would say, I'll take you to work. then change their mind and if they were your only source oh well. So after loosing 4 jobs that way discouragement set in. The of parents helping their child to succeed instead of failing and then talking about them badly to other family members and never noticing the child doesn't even have friends. 
Ramona goes on and gets married to who she thought was her best friend, only to find out in a heated she was the wrong color and age. She had graduated from verbal abuse to adding sexual and physical abuse. Wow someone asked how she was emotionally let's just say very numb and unresponsive at times. Well she divorced him and a few years later marries someone whom would keep up the verbal/emotional abuse by degrading, yelling, not listening to her, never there for her when she is down; but yet kicks her farther down. Now in this marriage they have children together and he tells her she smiles because she is happy. When in fact it is better to smile then it is to frown. He has done told her he is making it hard for her to talk to him, so she stays away from important things. She went to the hospital to find out what was wrong with her he chewed her out for going, and he has stopped loving her the way she loves herself. Ramona thought it couldn't get any worse when the 4 year old asked "what my daddy don't like you? (hugs her and says) I love you." Not too long after that he decides to tell her he wants to be able to yell and scream at the top of his lungs when he needs to at her, he told her that she was like an untamed lion (okay she felt as though that was what he was describing her character as). He helped Ramona open her business and when she turned to him for help again he wasn't there. Now owing over a thousand dollars in taxes she can not help her family earn money and she feels any man can talk to her any way he desires; and yet it is fine with him. Ramona in a few years has put on a few pounds and he is reminded of the skinny and slim Ramona. He forgets she's a woman outside of the bedroom so he treats her like one of guys. Never any real display of affection, but a friend/child relationship when out in public. At home the relationship is he disappears into the TV or talking on the phone, while she at times feels neglected. He watches his shows and they do what he likes and may be once in a while they do things she likes. What was that compromise? There is no need for that it is all about him blaming it is all about her. Let me tell you what he doesn't know about her: 1. why she don't chew gum, 2. her favorite flower, 3. secrets she has never told anyone, 4.her fears, 5. favorite spice, and 6. her goals in life. Oh what does she she know about him; his favorite color and TV is all he knows.
Ramona has been married to this man for 25 years and she has said "it is a very stressful life she has, and just needs a get away from it all from time to time. Feeling like your world could one day come crashing down on you and then what? Cry until someone notices ?" With no money to pay for wants and he feels budget is for when you have money you budget. Never saving money because the extra gets spent on something he wants.  He has riled out the joy in me and I feel as though I need an out...no more do I sing, no more do clean, I sit as a zombie waiting on a shelve to be discovered. I have not accomplished anything of my own I have accomplished failure after failure for that is all I know.

By Michele Richardson

A little girl grew up thinking she knew everything Part 2

A little girl grew up thinking that not only did she know everything but she had more then anyone. When I say more, I mean more. She lived in a large house with carnival size appliances in her home and had parties every week end that her mother threw together for her and a couple of siblings. Her mother came up with a group that was just geared for girls and boys for her and her siblings to interact with children their ages and more. Mother drives the newest Mercury Topaz. The lies get more as this little girl grows up and meets new friends; some do not see the danger. Of course the child wont tell this story to someone who knows her but to someone who may never know what her real life consist of. The truth is this person is so unhappy with their life that they will make it out to be better then yours. People will say just about anything if they are truly looking to impress you without realizing that they are robbing you of really knowing who they are.

What if God himself was the one whom this person was talking to; what response do you think she would have received? Let's just say you knew one of her friends and found out that she lived in an apartment and that her mother really drove a later model Buick, how would you approach her? Some of us would really call her all kinds of choice words of a liar. But Jesus would simply tell her that she needs to change her lies into truths and to stop allowing Satan to suggest to her many ways to lie to a stranger. Then he would simply tell her that if she is ashamed of her life how could she be proud of her accomplishments in life? To be ashamed of where you came from means you are ashamed of how God developed you to be who are today. You have taken that shame into now your adult life of Christianity only to be a fence dweller not a lukewarm Christian with no real back bone. So the heck what you know bible verses or have read the bible Satan does to and he/she goes to church as well and may attend all services just like you.

We are a people of telling the truth only when it suits us. Maybe wont tell outlandish lies as such as the girl, but yeah we will to save our marriages, relationships, jobs, or to anyone for any occasion. Is God happy with our lack of honesty or our character of haughtiness of spirit? At what point are we holding ourselves accountable for our own actions, but don't we hold others accountable for their actions?

A little girl grew up thinking she knew everything that there is to know about life. She knew more than her teachers that in the absence of the teacher was able to teach the class with a C average grade. Went to college and knew more than her professors with a D average. She even was in competition with her family and friends and yes you guessed it she was smarter and better then them as well. Although she has not experienced much in her life she knows how to live your life better than you. If you are better then everyone and know more then anyone. At what point do you learn or is it just to make others see you as plan unlearned and unwilling to learn anything new.

When you go to church she knows more then the average minister and grudges over how she was raised, the things she missed as a child, things that she was forced on her to learn. Never learning from her own mistakes but points out your mistakes and lives in the past future. Feels that no one should ever judge her differently then she judges herself. 

Some may find her to be verbal abusive, controlling, mentally abusive and unstable of knowing who she is. Busy doing the things that family and friends want to do and be. Going through life loosing more of herself and not even trying to who she is. Males come in her life as friends and leave with a thought and feeling there is no room for them in her life or space. May at times seem to be covetousness or flirty at times. Pretends to be a nerd. No one has ever told her that she comes off like a bitter old woman. Being old one believes there is a lot of wisdom, but acting old does not mean one has wisdom. Wisdom comes from living, but since she refuses one can only suspect she is learning foolish wisdom. The bible has a lot to say about foolish and silly women. I know little boys go through this as well, but since the bible talks about foolish and silly women; I used a a girl growing up.

Her end is living alone singing her should of would of could of's, and when she cries, laughs. or even worries no one will hear or pay attention to her. For she has driven away everyone from her as a diseased contagious person. 

Please remember we are all in the classroom of learning not knowing everything, strive to learn something new everyday. Live in the hear and now and let yesterday take care of yesterday; let exasperation be exact and precise. Learn to be true and honest and not full of falsehood. God would have us to show brotherly love one to another and to treat each other like we would treat our own self. Study your word and pray one for another. God bless you.

I Am

                                               I am unhappy and
                                               you are not there
                 
                                               I am scared and
                                               you rebuke me harshly

                                               I am worried and
                                               you turn away

                                               I am happy and
                                               you joke and
                                               play with me

                                               I am over joyed and
                                               you laugh and
                                               tease me

                                              I am confused and
                                              you openly make one
                                              feel ashamed

                                              I want to talk and
                                              you want to argue a point.

Baby Mom ma Drama

Baby Mom ma

This goes out to ALL BABY MOM MA DRAMATIC WOMEN! Who think that just because you got a baby by the man/young man you were once head over heels about, and now the two of you are not together, you are denying that man to bond with that child/children. So what you're mad as blank at him but what you are putting yourself before the needs of your child/children. Which is not fair to the growth of your child. 

Listen to me and please learn from my mothers mistake. I am the product of my own Mom ma's drama. See my mother had me out of wedlock and she fell deep into her own thought that I am better off not having him in my life. Take a look at what he was denied: 
Seeing his daughter playing the violin. In many concerts in and out of school. 
Watching me bowl once or twice a week. 
Seeing me walk, talk and grow up. 
Seeing me graduate from high school. 
Being able to give me away when I got married. 
Being there for his grandchildren. 
Helping me understand relationship from a man's point of view. 
Him guiding me as my father. (even knowing his name)
Being a better person to talk to. Even when I wanted to drop out of college. 
Love me like only a father can. 


Get it yet? Yes I didn't even know my father's name until I turned 34 and saw his picture in Indy Men's magazine. I called her up when I saw him. A couple of close friends told me I look like him. The point here is he died before I could get to know him better to understand the big gaping whole of who I am. Meaning to fully understand what he and his family is all about. Where I fit if I fit in at. 

The biggest part of this still saddens me to this day. The one who raised me told me after coming back from a wake, said "I would take you to see your grandmother, but she doesn't need to know how silly you are." 

Here is another story for you. My husband's two girls did not have a chance to bond with him when they were younger nor did he know where they lived in the state they lived in. Let's take a look at what he missed shall we. 
One child having surgery
Both of their lives growing up. 
Both graduations 
Both entering college. 
But at least he is getting a chance to talk to them on the phone now.
A closer look at this: she filed for child support in 2003 after hearing that we had 6 children; and only because she wants the money without him getting to know the two children. Selfish yes. They were once married and she has many pint up anger towards him and herself. 

Whooooooo you don't know this is taking a lot for me to type while I am watching children being destroyed through mom mas decisions. 
My only advice is to grow the heck up and put aside your emotions and let the babies daddy be a part of their lives it is necessary. 
You are being selfish, inconsiderate, weak minded, unintelligent women. As a matter of fact you can not claim to be a christian. Not with that going on. 
This kind of behavior will eat deep seeds of bitterness, heart ache, unhealthy life, destroyer of relationships if ever get married, and emotional distress. 

I pray you've learned and are able to move pass this so God can bless you in 2010. This is what I pray for is that that I can touch at least one Baby Mom ma Drama life and help her understand the importance of daddy being a part of the child's life. 

The Message

I have been hearing people despising where they came from to just to meet the approval of someone else's dislike. People have no since of stand for who they are for always selling out due to fear of loosing a friend; but yet will sell out our neighbor for an ice cream bar and a box of fruity pebbles. Look around what you so ready to denounce how close are you to denouncing God? For some this started during their childhood and progressed into their adult life style. Wishy washy,pansy, yellow belly, fence spliters, or what ever you call cowards. Cowards only mission on the planet is to PLEASE MAN. Watch here the Bible refers to masters as you can only serve one master one in which you love to serve and the other one, but do not take my word for it. Matthew 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. KJV.  Okay so you say that is not you well the Bible has one for you as well...James 1:8 Double minded man is unstable in all his ways. James 4:8 Draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye doubleminded. KJV.

If you so want to practice hating everything about yourself the next to go is your self awareness of the things around you that made you who you are through your belief in Christ. For some it

My message is this: If you do not like where you are from; how will you love where you are going?